The Bitter Sweet

Good Morning people=) It is very early in the morning and Im already wake up from my dreamland. I had sunbrun, painful skin and swollen eyes. yeah, u heard no wrong than this -- swollen eyes-- It was suppose a happy day for everyone as we got 3rd place for volleyball competition. But to me, it is something saddening and yet heartbreaking. It not about 3rd places or what we had achieved in the competition.

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Dear life-time-best-buddy-C ,

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Maybe you are right that im never face any failure in my life before. In schooling time, Im always excel in everything i've done. Im always try my best in every single thing im get involved in and yet stil i am now. Doing the best in everything im involve and hope to strike for the best.

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When im once a music girl in school, im nvr gv up to learn new intruments when we step into secondary school. During primary, it was a modern band and im a trumpeter. It never fail me to master up tis intrument with the determination that hide inside my little-fist-big-heart at that time. As time come, we are graduate and proceed to secondary shool. I was then change to chinese orchestra hua-yue. It was totally something different from what i played during primary life. But stil, it never turn me down after few years of practise and training, I can proudly say that Im good at the new chinese intruments. And yet, to be promoted to hand an important post of the society.=)

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I was once a girlguides too. We are always combine with the scouts and have activities. In this society, I do belive that hard work will show people ur potential to be the leader of the team. And i did it. I never ever think of rely on anykind of relationship, that mite happen like some people's sister is the leader and so she got higher chances to be promoted..and blablabla. It works, when my hard work pay off. I was then assigned to hand crucial position in this society again. yeah, thats my seconday school life that full with responsibilities and fun.

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I was also once a sport girl in school throughout primary-secondary school. Im not any state player or a top high record to high jump or even not a shortest time record for maraton running. But, I was proudly to say that Im a netball player. I was once a school player. I never ever forget the training that quite burden of at that period of time. I always thought of skipping those training, but never i did fail to attend the practice. It not only practising in school but some weekends we have to go some sports club to training and gear up ourself. Its not an easy task for a schooling child that hv to spend off weekends for the netball training.

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And now, im a university student. Joining and learn of volleyball never once come through my mind. But i would then give myself a try and learn new sports since its no harm trying. Friends giving support and motivation when im struggling to join this club as im zero about volleyball! (with not counted those secondary time we are force to ball digging or do serving during PJ period.ha!) Its never! for the kind of height of me, never once think of volleyball.=) a 160cm girl play volleyball? it sound rather funny. But, i tried and its now over a year joining volleyball. never deny I stil not yet master it. Maybe this is not my game perhaps. Its not that im giving up but I do tried alot. But, disappointment never fail to hit me in every competition I have taken part. Yeah, Im a reserve player but I am stil worst than some freshies that had just join our team for few months only. It just feeling its such a disgrace. Or perhanps, a good relationship with the leader will have higher chances to play during competition? I dont believe all this. But what can i do when this is what happen in reality. To walk away but not break my principle by having good relation with the leader just for my own good sake.

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Yeah, my bf is a volleyball player in our uni too. People might think that I went training just for the purpose of accompany my bf and spend time doing things togather by going vb training? wtf?!

Joining volleyball competition just the purpose of had a chance to go with the team and giving support to my bf? All of this bulls*t is making me sick. Giving my best to play with the teamate(if i were giving a chance), giving motivation support to the teamate, and concentrate on the game when teamate playing on, was all i do. Never once i leave my team and go to the boy's team and cheer for them when my girls team are on match.

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Attending training during uni time was always excite me as I wanted to learn new things from here, and I want to master it to be a part of the team. But sadly, hard work never pay off this time.

For this time, i do cry hard after the competition. It was tear-jerking and heartbreaking, I couln'd hold it anymore. Everytime I told myself that I shld gv myself another chance after every competition. Maybe some other reserve player are good than me, that is why they have chance to play during competition. But, this time, this competition will be the last. Something that ashame me happened, and I am now done with it.

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Thanks babeY C, im glad u are here with me during price giving ceremony. I just do not want to ruin everyone's happiness and my sayang's feeling at that moment.*hugs* yeah, u are here always,like i do. buddies rulez yea? :D

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To my sayang Babo =) thanks for being understanding. You are not the first one im looking for at that moment because you are the one I care the most. I do not want you to put any blame on anyone or felt the sadness in my heart like I do while you are suppose to get ur medal happily at that moment. But, you do find me =) your shoulder that fit me well the most reach me just when i needed the most. Thanks for being with me no matter what had happen. Having you with me, the courage is is now all in me =)

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Theres one said:

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**Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak, sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go**

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